8 Things about your spouse you will want to know before getting married.

Prepare before you propose.

So you’ve been dating this person for a long time… You know him/her pretty well, you know that he/she loves you.   You’re ready to work that relationship towards getting married, but before doing so, here are 8 questions to help you prepare for a happy marriage.

For most of us, the answer to these questions shouldn’t be deal breakers, however, they should help you develop a more harmonious fulfilling marriage.

1 – How do you deal with disagreements?

Every couple will disagree from time to time. There is no way to have a couple that NEVER disagree on anything.

However the way the couple deals with disagreements will be the difference between a happy couple and an unhappy couple.

Are those disagreements dealt with or avoided?

If avoided, issues will get bigger over time, resentment will grow, the couple can become disengaged.

So a reluctance to deal with disagreement is greatly detrimental to any relationships and it’s best to work on them as soon as possible instead of avoiding them.

But what if those disagreements are not avoided, but instead leaves both of you frustrated?

It’s true that some disagreements can be hard to accept, especially if they go against a set of your core beliefs.

However, here are some quick tips that can help a couple deal with disagreements in a healthy way that leaves the couple happy:

• Set boundaries
• Stay focus on the problem, not the person
• Use nonviolent communication
• Find the real issue
• Compromise when possible
• Agree to disagree

But through it all, the most important thing to remember is that communication is key!

2- Do you want children?

If this is a question that sounds obvious for some, for others the issue of having children is something that needs to be asked. You certainly don’t want to wait after the marriage to say… Euh honey! I thought you wanted kids. 🙂

It is, therefore, important to ask your future wife/husband if they want children or not.

Now if your spouse tells you that they do not want to have children, it can be for a temporary reason (such as him/her waiting until the financial situation gets better).

But the important thing is that you both can speak freely about it because having a child is a decision taken by both individuals and nobody’s hand wants to be forced into having children if they aren’t ready for it.

Same for the number of children, some may want just one child, some may want more than one.

So it’s always good to clear all of those issues before the wedding, as you’ll find it easier to find common ground between both your needs and wants.

With that said, the worst thing to do would be to not talk about it and hope that things will work out by themselves or change once married.

Please… Don’t do that!

3 – How do we spend our money?

I understand that it’s not very glamorous to talk about money, especially once you guys are planning to get married, but it’s something that must be done.

And if you want to start off your marriage on solid financial grounds, make sure you have a clear picture of your financial situation and of your spouse as well.

Having a plan for the allocation of everyday life expenses as well as your long-term financial goals. If your wife/husband is a person who lives day-to-day and loves to spend without really looking at a budget. This is a sign that financial management problems could be an issue that your couple will have to deal with.

Will all expenses come out of both your accounts and have bills divided equally or everything will come out from a joint account?

That’s why it’s important to know the financial behavior of your partner, and that your partner knows about your spending habits as well. Because when we know that money issues are often one of the major reasons of divorces, being on top of your finances as a couple can certainly prevent many hassles down the road.

4 – How important is religion?

Obviously, these questions cater more to couples where the degree of faith is different from one another or where both of you have a different faith.

But with that said, what is the importance of religion in a relationship?

This one can be more complicated than it looks, but generally speaking, there are two schools of thought.

You’ll have, on one hand, those who think that their relationship should be based on their beliefs, meaning that if one spouse is a believer of religion X, the husband/wife must be a believer of religion X as well.

It’s because religion has a place so prominent in their lives that they can’t imagine building something with someone who is a non-believer, or from another religion.

And that it because from their daily life to the education of the children, many aspects of what they do that will be directly influenced by their religion.

On the other hand, you have those that for whom religion is personal. They do not need the other to adhere to their beliefs. For them, everything is a matter of compromise…

I do a little of mine and you do a little of yours. Which can be simple things such as not to cook some type of foods at home to not hinder the other or give the children surnames that represent their religion.

So taking all this into account, is there a perfect model?

Again, as previously mentioned, this is a more complex issue than it looks, however, as long as the couple is on the same wavelength, it shouldn’t be too hard for the couple to do what’s right for them.

But more than often than is the most typical scenario when two people of different religions decide to get married.

• Either one of the two does not care a bit of this and leaves the other live his religion at will
• Two people agree from the beginning that they will have to make concessions, even if it means putting some of their beliefs aside
• Two people are firm in their positions, in which case the two religions can hardly live together

5 – What about household chores?

The sharing of household chores can often be an irritant in a couple, especially when we consider that both partners can be on the different end of the spectrum as to what is considered a clean house.

So is equally sharing the chores the solution?

Let’s face it … an equitable sharing of the household chores is still a myth in most families, but if you find it hard to divide chores between both of you, one solution is to try dispatching the chores that are most rewarding to each one and work to find a common ground to do the remaining ones.

As sharing the workload can greatly reduce frustrations and conflict over chores.

6 – Where do you guys see yourself in few years?

This is one that is usually not needed to be asked, because every couple that intends to marry, has to a certain degree spoken (and established) their future.

However, this is one of the most important questions you want to know before getting married as it will give you an overview of where you guys want to be.

As a couple, you want to ensure that both your goals (even if totally different) are going in the same direction.

Let’s take geographical mobility as an example… Imagine if you see yourself traveling the world, living abroad for few years, but your spouse prefers to stay in his/her good old hometown?

That would certainly warrant a discussion?

So remember to always see the side of your spouse on your goals and vice versa because it could happen that these ambitions are a source of disputes later.

7- What’s the role of our in-laws?

It’s never easy to get along with the in-laws! It is said that in Italy, roughly 40% of divorces are due to bad relations maintained between mother-in-law and their daughter-in-law!

But why is that?

* Some mothers have difficulty cutting the cord with their son

* Some will criticize the way their daughter-in-law cooks, or the way they raise their children or do the household chores (areas in which mother in-laws will claim to have more experience and know-how;)

So conflicts with in-laws often result from a misunderstanding about the lifestyle choice of one or the other spouse. The wife’s in-laws may, for example, blame her for working out-of-town too often, and not seeing her as an ideal wife to raise children (their grandchildren).

The husband’s in-laws may, for their part, consider that he’s not doing enough to help in the house, that he’s not present enough or that he’s too severe with the children.

One or the other parent believes that regardless of the choice of a partner or spouse, he or she is not good enough for their “more perfect” child.

So how to find the right distance with the in-laws?

• Do not let the family-in-law become your priority. Your relationship should ALWAYS be the priority and do not be afraid to tell your spouse if you feel that there are frustrations of any kind with your family-in-law.

• Do not let in-laws become indispensable. At the arrival of a new baby, new parents are often very appreciative of the help and presence of the in-laws in the house, but little by little this “always available” help can give you the impression of no longer being home.

• Set some simple rules. This is obviously discussed between the couple, but it can be as simple as not attending the in-laws Sunday’s meal EVERY Sundays.

8- How important is sex to you?

There are many aspects of a relationship, that keeps it healthy, and a couple’s sexuality is one of them.

A healthy sexuality is a true discovery of pleasurable sensations and feelings that the couple will discover together, and in times like these, both partners can surrender completely to one another, exchanging confidences and secret passion.

Because beyond the mere physical pleasure (which is in itself significant), erotic intimacy allows the full emotional involvement of both partners.

However, many studies show that it is much easier to reduce sexual desire with your partner than trying to maintain it.

And it is true that keeping the flame is an everyday challenge (and the couple may not have the same level of sexual desire) but even if the routine is installed, it’s important for the couple to cultivate this flame by finding a rhythm which respects the nature of each.

So what’s next?

Once you’re done examining those questions with your spouse, your couple should be in much better position than it was before.

If some answers aren’t what you were expecting, you’ll have a great opportunity to work hard on improving the relationship with your partner to ultimately live a healthy, happy and lasting marriage.

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Mary Lafrance is the editor and writer at DatingAdvice.Rocks– there you’ll find articles mostly aimed at women that cover different ranges of topic such as to why it’s so hard for women to find a good man (http://datingadvice.rocks/why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-good-man/) or rules to apply when out on a date.

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Check out our article on Dating Advice Rocks’ site at http://datingadvice.rocks/perfect-marriage-proposal/