Asking Her Father

Step 4 How to ask a girl’s father for her hand in marriage?

Asking your girlfriend’s  father for his daughter’s hand in marriage is an old school practice that dates back to the days when there was no choice in the matter.   You had to ask to get his blessing or there would be no marriage.   Times have changed though, so while not asking him won’t technically stop you from marrying your future wife, I do recommend that you do it.

Now I completely get that this might be a tough situation for some men. As I am now a father of a little girl….I can already see myself not liking her future boyfriends and she isn’t even a one year old yet.  But that is life and I am sure eventually I will come around.  As a father, I would respect the man who will eventually marry her so much more if he has the balls to ask me.

The main reason I recommend you do it is because this is her father.  The first man that has been in her life,  much longer then you have.  You will be part of his family and he will be part of yours in the near future. In my experience families get a long better when the members respect each other.  So asking him may go a long way in him accepting you and thus giving you the respect you deserve.

Also this is 2016, so asking her mother or other influential family members may also be a good idea if she comes from a less conservative or traditional family.

***Full disclaimer you know your relationship with her father much more than I do.  If you think it will actually hurt your chances of marrying his daughter more by asking him, then go with what you think is right.  I would never want you to do something that would prevent you from your proposal. Know your situation and act accordingly. if you decide not to ask, it does not mean that you don’t have balls…it just means you know your father-in-law.

How to ask for your girl friend’s father for permission to marry his daughter.

It’s a good idea to try and warm your father-in-law up a little bit before you ask him. I do not recommend you to ask him in passing as if  you are asking if you can have a beer from his fridge. This is his daughter, so giving her away won’t come easy for him.  Work up to it. Find something that both of you might enjoy doing together… Like going to a game, playing golf together, an event that he might like, going out for a drink, etc…  I took my father-in-law and my brother-in-law to a car show. We all like cars, so that worked out perfectly.  After that I took them both out to a nice dinner, my treat (including a few drinks to loosen him up). That is where I asked him.  Fortunately, he was thrilled. Balls intact I went on to the next step in the proposal process.

I knew that asking her father wouldn’t make a difference on whether my wife would say yes, but I knew that I wasn’t just marrying her– I was joining a new family.  I wanted to put my best foot forward and step into my new family with mutual respect.

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Now that your future father-in-law will give you the thumbs up, let’s go to the next step:  Step 5 What to say on one knee

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If you found this page helpful I encourage you to leave any advice that might help others who are starting their proposal process.  This site is a community to help your fellow man.

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